Written by Tracy Curtis and shared at our meeting!
Congressman’s Excuse Won’t Hold Water
If you’re a devout Catholic and a U.S. Representative, watching the Pope address congress, which of the following actions do you take at the close of his speech?
B. Cross Yourself.
C. Shake Hands with His Holiness.
D. Storm the Lectern and Steal the Pope’s Water Glass.
Apparently, it’s D.
Because as the Pope left the congressional chamber last week, Rep. Bob Brady grabbed Francis' drinking glass, took it to his office and drank from it. And so did his wife and some staffers, with the rest of the water being bottled and saved to bless his grandchildren.
And why would the parched pundit purposefully poach the pontiff’s perched glass from the podium?
Because "anything the pope touches becomes blessed,” Brady said. “How many people do you know that drank out of the same glass as the Pope?"
None, fool. We’re approaching cold and flu season. Plus I think there’s something about thy not stealing, nor coveting thy neighbor’s beverage. Your sin combined with social media has made you a famous, soulless criminal. With a runny nose.
Soon to be infamous. This is his second swipe. Brady also took the glass used by President Obama at his first inauguration. The crazy congressional klepto keeps it in a curio cabinet in his home. And now, to his political pinch, he will add this latest spiritual snag.
I feel sorry for those grandkids. Instead of being willed valuable coins or baseball cards, they’ll be inheriting grandpa’s stolen glass collection. And it’s not even a full set.
Maybe he can hit the next round of presidential debates. He can lift Donald Trump’s champagne flute, Ben Carson’s cordial glass, Rand Paul’s double old-fashioned glass, Mark Rubio’s water pitcher and Chris Christie’s beer mug. I doubt he’ll get a hold of whatever Hillary drinks out of. I’m sure her water is handed to her by a private server.
I’ll just bet that Brady’s at the U.N. headquarters right now. They’ve got over 150 world leaders drinking water over there. But security is tight. And he’s gonna need a bigger curio.
And about security, how’s this guy getting so close to our world leaders that he’s able to lift their glassware? What a pain for the secret service. They have to protect our presidents and pontiffs, and now our planet’s china? And all because of a congressman, with grubby hands, looking for his next piece of glass.
What Brady really needs are plates. And some utensils. If he starts stealing dinnerware now, he could have a whole place setting by Christmas.
I’ll drink to that.